At Eikon Church we’ve been doing a series called “XOXO – Friends, Flings, & Relationship Things.” We’ve been spending the past few weeks talking about everything from marriage to dating to sex, and last week we took your questions. As I prepared I realized really quickly that we wouldn’t quite have the time to answer all the questions, so we decided to take to the blog to field a few more of the questions here. If you missed any of the weeks, make sure to go back and watch what you missed here.
Has technology and social media ruined dating?
Well, if we are talking about a guy and a girl who are actively dating, who have defined their relationship, and who know they are in a growing and committed relationship with one another, then I think technology creates an avenue to encourage one another and to connect more frequently. So in that way, I’m encouraged by what technology has to offer.
However, if we are saying that technology has changed the game in regards to how single young men and women approach one another, before that relationship is defined, then I have a lot of concern about technology.
The ability to text, Snap, Tweet or to just write on someone’s Facebook wall enable you to flirt and tease without there ever being a “what-exactly-is-this-relationship” moment. And so in that regard, when you have not established what the relationship is, I think it can be hurtful to constantly be involved in the technological realm, rather than the face-to-face realm.
So if I think about my daughters when they reach dating age, to have a young man constantly texting them and constantly engaging them on social media without any real clear “I’m pursuing you,” I have concerns.
I see a lot of our young women get teased by guys who simply “like” every Facebook post of theirs, or constantly text the young woman, without ever having defined the relationship. They’re sending mixed signals and I think that more often that not, that’s hurtful.
As with almost anything in culture we have a choice. Most of the time in the church we look at everything through the lens of simply rejecting it or receiving it. If we deem it as “bad” then we reject it, if it’s “good” many times we receive it without much more thought.
However, I want us to look through another possible lens – How do we redeem things within culture? How can we redeem social media? How can we use it for positive things? I’m not asking for single men and women to quit using technology or social media, just don’t receive it at face value. Consider how you use it. Don’t use it to lead on and tease if there’s not intentions. Use it to stay connected, to deepen and develop healthy relationships.
I may seem a little old fashioned, but that’s my two cents…
By: Dan Matlock